As many parents in California know from experience, there is no easy way to end a marriage. There may be anger, resentment, sadness and a plethora of other emotions. Research suggests that it is even more difficult for children involved. Children typically look to their parents to gauge how to cope with these emotions and all of the changes that will be taking place during the divorce.
It is easy to get tunnel vision, but parents often do not have that luxury. Instead, helping the children deal with their emotions can also help the parents. It may be tempting to vary from the usual routine, but routines provide comfort to children.
Dealing with anger may be an issue for everyone, but it is up to parents to set the example. Actions often speak louder than words. If the parents are at least able to be civil to each other, it will make a difference for the children. In addition, it may be a good idea to avoid speaking ill of each other in front of the children. Both parties continue to be parents, regardless of the state of the marriage.
Putting aside or dealing with negative feelings could do more than help the children. It may also help in the divorce settlement negotiations and hopefully establish a rapport for the parents’ post-divorce contact. The more willing a couple is to work together, the smoother the process may go. This will put the control of how the marriage ends back into the hands of the couple. Decisions regarding property division, child custody and related issues can then be made by the couple instead of a California court.
Source: Huffington Post, Divorce As a Teaching Tool, Allison Pescosolido, M.A., Nov. 21, 2013